Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
