Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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