He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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