I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize