Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
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