I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I wish life had little blips of pornography
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
