bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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