i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
