sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
