After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
