im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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