You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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