is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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