They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
