we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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