I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
