Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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