i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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