You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
