like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
