We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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