i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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