Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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