Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
