Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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