I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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