we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
