got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
