OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize