That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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