umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
