Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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