So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
