Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
