I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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