is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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