guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
