College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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