The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
