I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
