Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize