I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize