I feel like I'm in dance class right now
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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