I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Drunk is not a location!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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