I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he wants to bone in the snuggie
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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