(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize