so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
