Do you still have your period?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
