I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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