Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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