so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
