Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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