I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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