as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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