It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
