so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
