apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
