i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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