He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
