Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
