I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
