Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
