I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
