I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
