I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
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