Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
