The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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