Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
