I want to have your abortion
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
