Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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