Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
whose parrot is this?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
