i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
