I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize