I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
