i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
