i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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