pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
