walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Did I show you my penis last night?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
