His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
