Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
