so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
