you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
