bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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