brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
