Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
